|



Every now and again I get an
itch to watch every single Doctor Who story, and when I
start to scratch it, early classics such as Marco Polo and The
Aztecs fuel my desire
to see the thing through. Season 2, however, has always given me pause,
and no serial more so than The Web Planet – a serial so reviled
that it holds the unwelcome distinction
of the being the only classic series DVD that I didn’t watch as soon as
I’d bought it. This is the story that About Time claims looks like
1920s television. The story where a Zarbi walks straight into the camera.
The story where producer Verity Lambert had to write to director Richard
Martin to tell the cast to stop mucking about with the script. This story
is generally considered the absolute nadir of Doctor Who.
Yet I’m starting to think that we might have all got it wrong. My problem
with this serial has always been in trying to watch the whole thing
through without any breaks - television suicide, as my colleague Mr
Wolverson will attest (see above). But such is the case with many a
six-parter, with even mighty classics such as Genesis of the Daleks
and The Seeds of Doom suffering the same curse. No – the best way
to experience The Web Planet to cut it up and sip it like a fine
wine, late at night after all potential detractors have gone to bed.

I
want to start by discussing the serial’s
ambition. “An ambitious
failure,” lots of people call it. After Planet of Giants, The Dalek
Invasion of Earth and The Romans, only a fool would think
that
production team were going to play it safe, but The Web Planet
is probably the most powerful testament to just how far they were
willing to go to try new things. Unlike the CG worlds of Gridlock,
this was uncharted, dangerous territory because it could have
wound up looking ridiculously amateurish and putting the brakes
on any further adventures of this nature. The fact that Lambert and
Martin were willing to risk the ridicule is marvellous, and they truly
went for it 1960s style, giving it everything that they had. I really
admire that.
You might complain about the creaky, clanking sets but this was an attempt
to transport the Doctor and his friends to a truly alien world. Besides, I
think that the sets are terrific - nothing is as you expect it should be.
We have gorgeous looking moons in the sky, a craggy planet surface
stretching for miles, acid pools, the Crater of Needles, rock formations
allowing the camera to shoot from all angles, trippy Zarbi headquarters,
and even the cancerous Animus sucking in all the goodness out of the
planet with its light. The underground bases, houses, museums, and sewers
of The Dalek Invasion of Earth were all child’s play to visualise,
but Vortis is a dark and menacing environment for our regulars to lose
themselves within. Here literally anything can happen - giant ants might
swarm, or moths soar down from the sky. You might fault the realisation
given the standards of today, but you have to at least appreciate the care
that has gone into making this as strange and uncomfortable a setting as
it could possibly have been.

The infamous Zarbi costumes actually look rather good, genuinely
resembling horrid ants with curiously photographable faces (so much so
that cameras come zooming up to them and don’t stop!). Admittedly the
Menoptra look like they’re wearing pyjamas, but again their faces are very
effective - my husband Simon has a morbid fear of moths, and he shuddered
whenever he saw them. The hoppy Optera creatures are probably taking the
idea a step too far, but again… how else would you do it? The weirdness of
this story is such that is capable of winding you on occasion; the
dizzying shots of moths flying down into an atmosphere of moons and crags
is astonishingly vivid. There is one long shot of the Zarbi surrounding
the Doctor and Ian that could be a piece of surrealist art.
Furthermore, The Web Planet remains to this day one of only just a
few stories to feature a large cast that doesn’t include any human
characters beyond the regulars. You could either see this as a red stamp
on this serial or a testament to its daring - the sheer insanity of
a story featuring a swarm of giant ants fighting giant moths is something
that you just have to respect. The fact that the production team must have
thought that they could do this concept justice on their budget suggests
that they were drunk on their ratings success.

Turning to the regulars, Season 1 saw William Hartnell at his sternest,
and understandably so, having to cope with that miserable walking hankie
Susan. I think secretly he was waiting for her to make doe eyes at some
bloke so that he could lock her out sooner! Of course, in reality Carole
Ann Ford’s departure rocked Hartnell considerably, and saw the birth of
the brand new nutty Professor Doctor, an adorable and charming character
who enveloped his fellow travellers with a sense of security and warmth.
This is the first Doctor that I remember and he’s just ace. The Web
Planet sees this new Doctor as crazy as he was rude last year. The
first episode is vintage Hartnell, giggling at his own cleverness,
concerned about the ship but eager to explore and thrilled by the
adventure. Some of his lines (“I say, Chesterton. What you doing over
there? Come over here and learn something!”, “no pigeons,” and even better
“we nearly had the remains of a Coal Hill school teacher instead of this
wretched old, ragged old tie!”) are absolutely priceless. His chemistry
with Russell and Hill is gorgeous by now and just three stories in, the
Doctor and Vicki are already making a more formidable combination that the
Doctor and his granddaughter did.
And Ian and Barbara are just wonderful, aren’t
they? I don’t really care what they are doing; Hill and Russell manage to
make it look believable, and more importantly, enjoyable. Whilst the
Doctor is chuckling and aghast with wonder, it’s
left to Ian and Barbara to remind us how alien and terrifying this planet
is. Ian’s cautious attitude in the first episode is commendable, and
Barbara’s possession scares because, for once, the malignant influence has
extended into the safety of the TARDIS and ensnared one of our characters.
Vicki’s reaction to the out of control TARDIS is very credible, not only
because she is a freshman but as the very idea of the TARDIS being dragged
across the surface of Vortis, an evil force drawing it in, is very creepy
psychologically. I love Ian’s adventures underground, exploring beautiful
metaphors; Barbara’s baiting of Hillio, and the way that she pulls
the drippy Menoptra into action, once again proving why she was without
doubt the best of the original companions.

Maureen O’Brien nails it in the
Tales of Isop DVD documentary
-
the ideas in this story are truly innovative. A nasty cancerous evil at
the heart of a planet, influencing everything on the surface, drawing in
all the hate from the planet through its blood stream-like acid pools. The
fact that the Zarbi and Venom Grubs turns docile after the Animus is
destroyed reveals just how powerful its influence was.
Where this story fails is in its attempts to make the action dynamic. I
did chuckle a couple
of times during its six episodes, mostly when Richard Martin jettisoned
the idea to subtly explore this alien world, instead attempting to realise
a full-blooded ants versus moths war. Martin did not have the technology,
the resources, the time or the skill to pull this off as an action movie
with any kind of success. What you get is the Menoptra practically
standing
still so the Venom Grubs can shoot them, the Zarbi being manhandled off
their feet, and the Venom Grubs being picked up and squished against the
walls. The action looks stilted; it’s deathly slow in places, and the
shots of running Zarbi are enough to make you laugh yourself silly. That
said, the phallic protuberance that spits cobwebs all over the Doctor and
Vicki is more effective, and I really admire the moments where Martin
attempts to pan across the action, even if the action itself is awkward.
If it were my choice, I would have cut this story down to four episodes,
snipped out most of the action sequences and really pushed the
psychological terror.

Simon
always amazes me when he
watches Doctor Who. He loves the
revived series, but then he adores
flashy fast moving television. I can
never anticipate what his reaction
to classic serials will be, which is
what makes us watching the show
together so enjoyable. A couple of
nights this week he has been happy
to watch The Web Planet with me,
even doing funny Menoptra hand
signals every time he asks me if I
want a cuppa. He thinks that Bill
Hartnell is the Doctor who adores
his
“hairdryer”
line. He will snap at Vicki, because he doesn’t
want her to end up like Susan.
He laughs at the Venom Grub who walks across the stage with the actors’
legs clearly visible underneath. He loves the madness of it all. And
he
thinks The Web Planet is quintessential Doctor Who because
it’s
brave, insane, slightly embarrassing but proud.
I want more people to give The Web Planet a chance. It wants to be
a stunning tour de force of weirdness, and it has a fairly decent
stab at it. Every five minutes something silly happens, but equally every
five minutes something strange and fresh and utterly wonderful happens. It
is sheer insanity from beginning to end, but then that’s Doctor Who
for you. Brilliant, poetic, shocking and imaginative on the one hand;
childish, creaky, slow and under-resourced on the other. Six episodes of
schizophrenic heaven. Justice for Zarbi!
|