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Byzantium!

JULY 2001

There are a lot of Doctor Who books out there on the market, but as a general

rule it isn’t difficult for me to judge which I will like and which I won’t just from a summary assessment of the cover and blurb. Every so often though, a story will really take me by surprise - one of my favourite authors will unexpectedly drop the ball or, as was the case here, a lifeless blurb will give rise to an absolute prize of a novel.

“What have the Romans ever done for us?”

By all rights, Byzantium! should have been a real stinker. The title’s exclamation mark will

no doubt have deterred many readers, conjuring up images of old Frankie Howerd and his ‘Ludicrus Sextus’ ensemble sending up Pompeii, and the story’s gimmicky setting (between the TARDIS falling from a cliff top at the end of The Rescue, and the opening scene of The Romans) will almost certainly have irked the anti-fanwank brigade.

However, the first few

chapters of the novel

swiftly put paid to any

preconceptions that I

was harbouring. Horrid

in the extreme, author

Keith Topping’s opening

scenes of crucifixion and

torture are about as far

from the buoyancy of Up

Pompeii! as you can get.

And even once the story settles into its groove, it is by no means played for laughs. Though silly and lewd at times (as to which, see below), Byzantium! is for the most part a pragmatic political thriller. Topping’s four-fold plot encompasses the everyday life of a Greek family living under Roman rule, a Zealot rebellion, the dawn of Christianity and, most interestingly

of all, the manoeuvrings of the Roman praefectus and tribunes. Of course, adhering as it does to the ‘Hartnell historical’ format, there is little more to the plot than our four separated heroes trying to stay alive, but even so Byzantium! remains a remarkably gripping tale throughout; a real testament to Topping’s refreshing style and wonderful characterisation.

“Stop procrastinating or I’ll give the pair of you a ruddy good biff on the conk!”

That said, the narrative is punctuated with the occasional bout of unabashed frivolity, the preponderance of which involves an implausibly wholesome Ian Chesterton trying to spurn the advances of a veritable legion of promiscuous Roman socialites. Such scenes are fun

to begin with, but after the third or fourth pass I was starting to believe that Ian was some

sort of puritan monk. I mean, how many times can one man say no? It’s a shame really, as otherwise Topping’s depiction of Ian is probably the most arresting that I’ve come across

to date (the odd line of peculiar dialogue notwithstanding – “biff on the conk” et al!)

Ian’s risibly sordid adventures are pulled into sharp focus though by his three comrades’ thoroughly grim escapades. Barbara is really put through the mill, taken in by a high-ranking Pharisee and then unwittingly drawn into a bloody Zealot uprising, and wilful neophyte Vicki faces an even grizzlier fate, taken in by a Greek family who – admittedly with the best will

in the world – take it upon themselves to beat her obstinacy out of her. It’s for her own good, see.

Most notably of all though, the Doctor finds himself dispossessed and in the company of an assemblage of early Christians. A sure-fire recipe for disaster and outrage in the hands of

a less talented writer, here Topping uses this combination to truly wonderful effect. Without passing judgement on Christianity or its ideals, Topping shows us a Doctor that is just as prepared to take an active (but naturally anonymous) hand in the development of the move-ment as he is to interfere with development of an alien culture on a far-flung world. In one glorious scene he even suggests some rewrites to an early draft of the New Testament that would give more weight to “inspiration” than “accuracy”.

“Dear, dear, dear, I can see I’m going to have to go back through

all of the work you’ve already done and double-check it.”

What I like so much about the Doctor’s role in Byzantium! is that it really emphasises his alienness. To him, ‘improving’ upon the Holy Text of what he sees as a “minor sub-cult of Judaism” is no different to searching for the Keys of Marinus or freeing the Savages from

the oppression of their Elders. And what’s more, Topping offers us a rare insight into the Doctor’s innermost thoughts: for instance, he sees himself as a “redwood tree” surrounded by “dragonflies”, yet he still finds himself affected by the plight of his “insect” friends. His reaction to Hebron’s demise towards the end of the story is particularly enlightening, as

are his ruminations on the prospect of spending a couple of thousand years stranded on Earth.

And so a few absurd flaws aside, Byzantium! is one hell of a read, and I dare say one of

the finest of BBC Books’ past Doctor adventures published to date. If you are looking for

a book engorged with “loose morality, sexual perversion and an unhealthy disregard for the sanctity of human life”, yet somehow irrefutably Doctor Who, then this one is for you.

Copyright © E.G. Wolverson 2006

E.G. Wolverson has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

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